B

Is he tall?
The new love of your life
Does he treat you gently?
Is his smile a light in the dark
And a comfort in the silence?

Does he call you
By a special name
That only he knows

Does he set your soul ablaze?
Does he make you laugh?
And not just any laughter
But laughter that takes the breath away
That leaves you rocking and choking
And gasping for air because it’s uncontainable?
Is he convinced you’re about to die laughing?

Does he comfort you in the night?
When those 9-year old terrors
Rip you from sleep
With piercing eyes
Does he know the reasons
Why your companion becomes your enemy
In that gap between dreaming and waking?
Do you let his body be a balm?
Invited in through a door kept locked
So as not to release the fears
And the violation

Do you hold his finger?
And let him play dad for a while
Has he put a ring on yours?
As you tell him
That you’ve never been happier
Did you do the family introductions?
Making him feel comfortable
Amongst older siblings
All fascinated to meet
The man who makes you smile
Are you raising little bears?
The family that was supposed to be ours
Now sired and cared for by someone else

Does he love you
More than anyone else on earth?
More than anyone who has ever existed
More than he loves himself
Does the separation from your heart
Drive him to the brink of madness?
Does your very touch
Send electricity through his body?
And make him feel
Like there is no better place on earth
Than to be in your embrace
Is he convinced
That you are the only one for him?
And that there could never be another
There could never be another

Does he help you forget me?
Does he mean
That you no longer miss me?
That no more tears are shed
For a love like fire
For a meeting of souls
For a loss so deep
That even Mother Earth wept
For what we could not keep together

None of this was foremost in my mind
Lying sprawled on the floor
On a rug I never thought to clean
Howling
Sobbing
Inconsolable
Reaching
Grasping
But no longer connecting
Already spiralling apart
Dying in our own private suffocation
No longer able to stand
The lack of air
Fighting, but drowning
Flowers shrivelling into an autumn
That has still yet to see the summer

Please don’t tell me his name
I don’t want to know
I can’t stand the pain
Of letting you go