Strength

They say “you don’t know your own strength”
I would like to believe that
I would like to believe that it’s still to be discovered
But the truth is: I do know my own strength
And it terrifies me

It has been there all my life
Like a steel spine that cannot be removed
Sometimes its there as resistance
Sometimes it comes as intuition
Sometimes a loving gentleness
Sometimes an intense speed of thought
Sometimes too many thoughts to know what to do

If I’m this strong, what consequence?
Will I stand out like a beacon?
Will that light be unbearable?
Will I be forced to shoulder the weight of the world?
Will every person turn to me and scream: “it’s your fault!”
Will I be bled dry by parasites because they feed on healthy blood?

I want to lie still and let this strength ebb out of me
To be just like everyone else
To be as weak and vulnerable as everyone else
To be the same
To be unremarkable
To have to shoulder a lesser burden
Than this unquenchable fire
That lights itself

But it seems it is unsurpressable
Undimmable
This strength
This energy
This life force
Somehow, when I was split in two
I was still born with double the strength 
The harder I work to hide
The more the strength is there

I cannot avoid it
This strength that says: “I am responsible”
That has carried a burden all these years
How can I carry the strength without the terrible burden
One day that sacred scar
May be faded enough
That the strength can stand on its own
And I will be accepted